BONUS 5. Transformed By Forgiveness
Passage
Matthew 6:1-15
Be careful not to do your acts of righteousness before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven.
So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret will reward you.
And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.
This, then is how you should pray:
Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
Your kingdom come,
Your will be done on earth, as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our coming day’s bread,
and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors,
and lead us not into trial, but deliver us from the evil one.
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
Lesson
The key lesson I’m hoping to drive home today is something that is absolutely essential to the life of every Christian. No Christian is allowed to ignore it. It is not optional. The good news, is that if you are able to learn how to live out this central teaching of Jesus’ ministry, it has the power to completely transform the relationships in your life.
I selected this particular translation because it’s extremely faithful to the Greek, and I wanted to draw out a few lessons from that language. For example, you may have noticed this version does not say “lead us not into temptation” but instead “lead us not into trial.” In modern English, we almost exclusively use the term “temptation” to mean “entice to carry out some evil actions.” When the Lord’s prayer was first popularized in English by the KJV around 1611, the word “temptation” carried a few different connotations than it does today. We can actually see this in some examples from the writing of William Shakespear. From King John Act IV Scene III, we read
BASTARD
Your sword is bright, sir; put it up again
SALISBURY
Not till I sheathe it in a murderer's skin.
HUBERT
Stand back, Lord Salisbury, stand back, I say!
By heaven, I think my sword's as sharp as yours.
I would not have you, lord, forget yourself
Nor tempt the danger of my true defence;
In this case, Hubert is warning Lord Salisbury not to test or try out his defense (because it’s much better than Lord Salisbury is supposing). Similarly from Henry VIII Act I Scene II, we read
QUEEN KATHERINE
I am much too venturous
In tempting of your patience, but am boldened
Under your promised pardon.
Here, Queen Katherine is saying that she is being very bold to strain or try the king’s patience precisely because the possibility of a pardon drives her to do just that. In neither of these cases is the word “tempt” being used to mean “entice to evil.”
This is a subtle but important translation difference. We should never think of God as “enticing us to evil.” That is not in God’s nature, which is perfectly and wholly good. According to
Jas. 1:13: “When tempted, no one should say, ‘God is tempting me’ For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone, but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed…”
It is for these linguistic reasons that I have chosen this somewhat unusual translation of the Lord’s prayer, but before we dive into the main point of this message, I’d like to have us do an exercise.
I am going to borrow a page out of my wife’s background in psychology and mental health counseling and ask you to imagine something with me. You can close your eyes, or not, it’s up to you. Now, take a few deep breaths and really focus on your feelings. Maybe you are nervous because some weird guy asked you to close your eyes in church. Or maybe you are feeling peaceful because you’re here with the Lord.
Now, think about someone who has wronged you. They have done something that you are convinced was wrong, and you were harmed by their actions. As you think about this, pay attention to your emotions. Perhaps you are feeling pain: how could they do that to you or say that about you? How could they say that about one of your friends or family members? Perhaps you are feeling sorrow or sadness that some trust was broken and that relationship has not been the same since. Perhaps you feel anger because they hurt you. They were in the wrong. You didn’t do anything wrong, yet they caused you direct harm, and they have never done anything to make it right. Perhaps you feel bitterness. You did not deserve to be treated that way. It is not worth trusting a friend like that again.
It’s worth pausing and simply taking note of those feelings. I believe they reveal something true. I am not affirming that feelings are a reliable guide for how to live life. I will happily affirm with many of our wise mentors here on-island from the words of Jeremiah
The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?
Jer. 17:9
But we are made in God’s image, and he has given us feelings for a reason. The Bible makes it clear that God is not passive; he often feels deep emotions
Psa 103:13-14: “As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust.”
Heb. 10:29: How much worse punishment, do you think, will be deserved by the one who has trampled underfoot the Son of God, and has profaned the blood of the covenant by which he was sanctified, and has outraged the Spirit of grace?
Eph. 4:30: And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.
Emotions don’t tell you how you should act, I reject the modern impulse to just “do what feels right” or “follow your heart,” but emotions can provide extremely valuable insight into the state of your heart. They are a God given spiritual thermometer. We should not let them govern our lives, but neither should we ignore them. We will come back to that, but for now, just take note of those feelings and log them away for later.
In the lead-up to the Lord’s Prayer, Jesus teaches us to conduct our spiritual lives inwardly, in secret, not in public. In Mathew’s gospel, Jesus spends some time calling out the issue of hypocrisy
So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do… to be honored by men.
And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love… to be seen by men.
The greek word for “hypocrite” used here is ὑποκριτα (hupokrita) (translators basically didn’t change that word when it showed up in the King James translation). When I was growing up, the definition I usually heard for hypocrite was someone who preaches one thing but does another. That is definitely a bad thing, but it is not really what’s being addressed in this passage. The word “hypocrite” is simply the Greek word for “actor.” These are people who are “putting on a show” in order to be seen and honored by men. Their spiritual life was performative. That is the way Jesus says not to do things. Don’t put on a show; don’t make all of these elements of your spiritual life so publicly obvious that you receive praise and adulation.
I’ll be honest, this is potentially an issue for me. I love teaching, and I especially love the systematic theology class here on Kwaj. Sometimes people say nice things about that class to me. I am grateful for those people and believe that God is working through them to reaffirm me in continuing that work, but I need to be on guard that I’m not just putting on a spiritual show to receive praise.
In contrast to this negative example of hypocritical, showmanship spiritual living, Jesus offers a God-ordained alternative: a quiet, secret, spiritual life. In particular, instead of praying flamboyantly in order to sound good and be praised by men, Jesus offers a simple, direct prayer to be offered secretly, sincerely to God. God, who sees things done in secret, will reward them. God is not impressed with spiritual showmanship (even if our peers are). These hypocrites, spiritual actors, receive a reward, but that reward is not from God.
Of course, we are also told to publicly come together and worship God, so not everything we do is meant to be hidden away from the public eye. Nevertheless, Jesus pinpoints a very real issue: doing things in order to appear spiritually vibrant and healthy rather than truly being spiritually vibrant and healthy in our heart, in ways that no human could ever clearly see the way God clearly sees.
Forgiveness is an essential part of the Christian life
The Lord's prayer is chock-full of theological content, but we have to focus on just one part to get a nugget to take home this week. I am going to focus on the same part that Jesus focuses on: forgiveness. After concluding his prayer, Jesus says
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
Honestly, this is some of the scariest language in the Bible. At face value: our forgiveness is contingent upon whether or not we forgive others. Now, we could quickly get into theological hot water here, so I won’t press too hard on that point, but the message is clear: forgiveness is an absolutely essential part of the Christian life. We are required to forgive others, and not forgiving others deeply damages our relationship with God.
I believe Jesus calls out forgiveness in particular because true forgiveness is something that takes place in secret, in your heart. No one gets to see a sudden shift in the attitude of your heart toward a co-worker who has offended you. When you forgive someone in your heart, no one gets to see that. You can’t sincerely forgive someone “in order to be seen by men.” At the same time, whether or not you have forgiven someone is blatantly obvious to God!
Forgiveness is a cancellation of all owed debts
Given Jesus' emphasis on the importance of forgiveness, we should take a deeper look at what is being said here about forgiveness in the Lord’s Prayer. One of the reasons I chose this particular translation is its selection of the word “debt” in connection to forgiveness.
As we read in the Lord’s Prayer
Give us this day our coming day’s bread, and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors, and lead us not into trial, but deliver us from the evil one [emphasis added].
This is a very literal translation of the Greek word ὀφείλημα (ofeilēma), which simply means “debt.” Literally, it is just “stuff you owe someone.” Later in Matthew’s gospel, Peter ask, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” In response, Jesus tells a parable about a man who has found himself in a really bad situation…
Mat. 18:23ff.: Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with her servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought before him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt [same word as in the Lord’s Prayer in Mat.6].
The servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ The servant’s master took pity on him, forgave [same word as in the Lord’s Prayer in Mat. 6] the debt and let him go…
This is forgiveness. The servant was in desperate, crushing debt. The king forgave that debt. In every real sense, that servant was set free from their debt. If someone came to that servant and said, “Hey… don’t you owe the king $10 million.” The servant could rightly exclaim: “No! The debt has been canceled! I’m forgiven. I don’t owe the king anything at all!”
True forgiveness requires us to cancel all the debts owed to us
How does this translate to the Christian life? When we sin, we incur a debt. That is, we owe someone something. We can actually see this in the legal code God gave to the Israelites at Mt. Sinai:
Exo. 22:1: If a man steals an ox or a sheep, and kills it or sells it, he shall repay five oxen for an ox, and four sheep for a sheep.
If you steal an ox, you incur a debt. You owe back the ox you stole plus several more oxen. Same goes for if you steal other animals. We also see this in the New Testament understanding of forgiveness. As Paul writes in his letter to Colossians
Col. 2:13-15: And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses, by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross. He disarmed the rulers and authorities and put them to open shame, by triumphing over them in him.
Jesus’ death on the cross works to cancel the all of debt that our sin has incurred and that we rightly owe.
True forgiveness does not occur instinctively or naturally
It may be easy to miss this when we first read these passages, but the call to forgive, to truly cancel those debts, is tremendously challenging! It is not something that happens naturally. It does not seem to be in our broken, human nature to forgive like that. Instead, we tend to counter attack when someone offends us, or we silently harbor resentment.
Now, let’s return to that person or event I asked you to imagine earlier. Those emotions you felt may be telling you about the state of your heart. When we truly have been wronged, we correctly perceive that we are owed something. Perhaps someone said or did something that caused you genuine harm, and it changed your view of them from a trustworthy friend into someone to be wary of. They owe you some restitution for the harm they caused They owe you a trustworthy relationship, not one where you’re uncertain of whether or not they will betray you
Maybe they disrespected you or belittled you in front of your peers. They owe you for the harm done to your reputation. In a very real sense, they ought to go around and tell people, “I was wrong! I misspoke about that person. Forget what I said before, I was acting out of jealousy,” or “I misjudged them,” or something else.
Maybe they did or said these things behind your back, assuming you wouldn't find out. They owe you an apology for having been two-faced with you, for being cordial to your face but discourteous behind your back. They owe you some honesty and candor
Maybe a co-worker or boss has wronged you. Maybe a co-worker didn’t follow through on something they said they would, or they overlooked your contributions on a project, or they took credit for something you did. Maybe you absolutely killed yourself at work to get that project done, and they claimed credit for the outcomes you achieved. They owe you an apology for robbing you of the reputational credit you deserve.
Maybe they attacked a family member, maybe they insulted your wife or your husband, or said something nasty about your kids. Maybe, they are a family member: a mother who held you to an impossibly high standard, or a father who wasn’t present in your life the way he should have been, or a sister or brother who wasn’t there for you when you needed them.
I don’t think it is wrong to recognize that these are very real debts. Now, we may incorrectly assess our situation and think we are owed something when we really aren’t, but sometimes we really are owed something. Sometimes we really have been wronged, and it truly is right that the offending party should make restitution. They should apologize for having harmed you. They should go and tell others that they were unfairly critical of you and help restore your reputation. They should begin to love you the way that family and friends are meant to love. You really are owed those things.
This is the hard part: forgiveness requires us to release those friends, family, or co-workers from that debt. To pull out your internal ledger, strike out that line, and write in “debt canceled—nothing is owed.” It requires us to be transformed by the Holy Spirit such that when we truly dig deep into our heart, we find that there is no longer any bitterness over being treated unfairly, no anger about the harm for which you are owed restitution, no resentment where we are replaying the wrong in our head over and over again.
Forgiveness is not reconciliation
There are a few points that are worth clarifying here. For starters, forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation. If at all possible, of course, it is ideal if a broken relationship could be restored. God made us for relationships, and part of honoring God with our relationships is showing God’s holiness by forgiving each other and restoring those relationships. This is a pattern that is not common outside the Church, but it should be common inside the Church.
That being said, there are a number of reasons why reconciliation may not be possible. In particular, I think any attempts to reconcile an abusive relationship are at odds with God’s call to live a wise life. If a parent, spouse, or significant other is definitely abusive physically, verbally, or emotionally, I do not think that the call to forgive implies we should seek to re-subject ourselves to those abusive patterns. That does not benefit you, nor does it benefit the abuser, who is permitted to continue behaving sinfully with minimal consequences. So that’s one case where I do not think reconciliation is appropriate unless there has been some radical, publicly acknowledged understanding of that abusive pattern, confession of its sinfulness, and sincere work to root that abusive behavior out of their lives.
Another instance is where the offending party has shown themselves to be consistently untrustworthy in some other way. Perhaps you developed a close friendship with someone, not knowing that they had a pattern of breaking trust (for example, trading social gossip in order to curry favor with others). After that pattern has been recognized, it makes sense for that relationship to remain changed, even after forgiveness has been extended. If that person is going to continue betraying your trust, I do not think the call to forgiveness means you need to pretend that person is truly trustworthy.
What is radical about the Christian life, though, is that in all of these instances, we are called to forgive. In the case of an abusive relationship, it may be inappropriate and foolish to be reconciled to an abusive spouse, but as Christians, we are still required to forgive those who have abused us. Similarly, in the case of a friend who has betrayed your trust, it may make sense that your friendship is not restored to its previous state, but that does not change the fact that Jesus requires us to forgive that friend: unconditionally.
It is not lost on me how radical this is. Just about anywhere but in the Church, you will probably find people telling you that you are permitted to continue hating those people who have deeply wounded you. It may even be considered praiseworthy as you call out evil for what it is. But not Jesus. That’s not what he says following him looks like.
We are able to forgive because God first forgave us
How do we actually achieve this kind of radical forgiveness in our lives? We cannot do it on our own. It is Jesus’ work on the cross which makes it possible for us to forgive. The apostle John wrote a similar topic and uses a similar line of argument when he exhorts the church in the city of Ephesus to commit themselves to a life of love for one another.
1 Jhn 4:10-11: This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.
and a few verses later, he reiterates
1 Jhn. 4:19: We love because he first loved us. Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister.
While this is not explicitly about forgiveness, I think it illustrates a principle that helps us understand forgiveness better. Our Christian love for one another (which includes forgiving each other) is possible because God first loved us. Our forgiveness of others is possible because Jesus already paid the price for those wrongs.
I am also convinced that this kind of deep, true, sincere and complete forgiveness is a work of the Holy Spirit in our lives. I wish I could tell you true forgiveness is simply an act of the will, that you can decide, “all debts canceled” and tada: forgiveness achieved! In my experience, that is rarely the case. I do not think it is part of our broken, human nature to extend true forgiveness.
You may be aware of this because of our exercise earlier. It is worth pausing once again and reflecting on that spiritual thermometer we checked. Is there someone who you feel has wronged you and never owned up to that wrong? What do you think that person owes you? Is it simply an apology? Do they need to go make amends between you and some mutual friends, or a co-worker, or a boss? Perhaps it is appropriate for you to ask for exactly that. Perhaps God would work in an incredible way in your relationship if you were candid with that person about how they hurt you. However, regardless of whether that person even recognizes that they did something wrong, regardless of whether or not you are even able to speak with that person today or any day, Jesus tells us that you have to forgive them. I know this is not easy; sometimes it seems impossible.
Although you may not be able to simply will yourself to forgive someone, you can commit yourself to taking it to the LORD in prayer. There have been a handful of instances where I found forgiveness extremely challenging to offer, but in a moment of deep prayer, I was suddenly aided by the Holy Spirit to genuinely cancel that debt and move on. That may be the case for you as well. I don’t know all your circumstances, so perhaps it will be very easy for you to forgive. Perhaps, you will find some offenses very challenging to forgive. I certainly can’t stand in judgment over you about that as though this were all easy for me, but I can remind us all that Jesus calls us to an extremely high standard in this area.
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
The good news is that the ability to forgive is one of God’s greatest gifts to us. If you search your own heart and find that there really are some harbored resentments, some unforgiven debts lingering in there, they are weighing you down. You don’t have to continue carrying them with you. You can let them go and cancel that debt because Jesus already paid for it. And the beautiful thing is, in the fullness of eternity, not only will we see that Jesus truly did pay the price for that debt, but he will make things right. You will not have been taken advantage of or simply have “let it slide.” You won’t just be an emotional and social punching bag because Jesus asked you to be. Jesus will truly make things right, and when he does, there will be peace. We see a foreshadowing glimpse of this in the book of Revelation
Rev. 21:3-4: And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”
Jesus teaches that the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand.You can begin to experience this peace today if you are willing to forgive.
Amen, may it be so.
